You promise a lot in a wedding vow. All that for richer or for poorer stuff. A little bit of in sickness and in health. But what about “in 5 bedrooms or in a tiny home?” Are there any vows for living together in a small space?
Well, I may not have promised to love in 380 square feet, but dang it, here I am giving it my best!
And by best I mean googling conflict resolution and gift ideas for men every other day. #judgeme
ANYWAY,
When we first got married, my husband and I were that gross couple. People would look at us and roll their eyes. We were constantly holding hands and shelling out compliments. We thought we were the perfect couple. And to our credit, we went through a lot our first couple years of dating and marriage.
Long distance courtship? Nailed it.
Planning a wedding in 30 days? No big deal.
Getting pregnant 4 weeks after our wedding day and spending our “honeymoon phase” pregnant? We got this.
12 month deployment? Okay, that sucks but bring it.
Then we moved into an RV.
And the first few months were totally fine. But then we renovated our RV. And then got a smaller rig. Oh, and after all that we started traveling.
So after 2.5 years of living together in a small space, we’ve learned a lot about each other. And a lot about getting along.
Hide Your Eye Rolls and Bite That Tongue
Things can get testy pretty quick in a small space. Probably because it’s impossible to hide those vibes you give off when you’re annoyed.
But for the sake of your relationship, you better at least try to stop the eye rolls and back talk.
Here’s an example: Your wife says something just utterly ridiculous. She’s acting up and you know she’s just in a bad mood.
My advice?
Boy, you better pretend you gotta pee and roll those eyes behind closed doors!
And here’s an example for the ladies: Did your husband “forget” to clean the crumbs off the counter again? Girl, you better bite that tongue and just do it yourself before the ants come marchin’.
Trust me, those silly little things just aren’t worth the argument that is going to explode in your living room/kitchen/nursery/dining room!
Not everything is about you, so stop asking.
I Bet You Think This Mood Swing Is About You, Don’t You, Don’t You, Don’t Youuuuuu?
Okay, I’m so incredibly guilty of this and I really gotta learn to get over myself! When Ed comes home and I sense something is “off”, I immediately think, WHAT HAVE I DONE??? I’ll start asking if he’s mad at me, or what I did, or just anything generally annoying to someone who is already annoyed.
Don’t be like Liz. Let your spouse have his alone time and get out of his funk. If it was about you, he’ll let you know, oh he will let you know!
Sound the alarm!
We all have days where nothing is going right. You know the kind, like when you literally cry over spilled milk and you look in the mirror and see an active volcano.
If something is SERIOUSLY BOTHERING you and it is taking every ounce of energy to NOT explode, please channel your inner emergency system and send out a warning! It’s really just not fair to the other person who had no clue until the fit is already over, especially in a small place where there is no place to straight up hide from yo’ craziness!
This is something I have a daily lesson in, no joke. (Thank you dear God for giving me a patient husband.)
Eat your chocolate ice cream, drink your Dr. Pepper, and shush.
Now, normally I wouldn’t advocate for junk food but now that I live in the real (tiny) world, I know it has a purpose.
For me, Mountain Dew has come to be a real calming agent in my life. Wow. I can’t believe I just wrote that sentence, but I’m not erasing it. Sometimes when life gets rough, you just gotta give in to temptation. Feeling like you can’t take one more day in this box with this person? Grab a Snickers, baby. Your partner mad at you for just existing in her bubble? Here ya go love, I brought you your favorite, fountain Dew! That’s right. I went all out on the 32oz, that’s how much I love you.
Indulging a little in very stressful times seriously helps ease the tension and bring you closer together by laughing at just how much salt and vinegar chips calm you down. I mean, how does this odd but delicious duo ease your troubles so quickly?
You gotta want it, team!
So I probably should have prefaced that you should definitely NEVER EVER move into a small space with someone you don’t get along with on a normal basis, anyway. Like I said at the beginning of the post, Ed and I get along great, but this whole RV life thing has seriously challenged that statement. All I gotta say is I’m glad looks can’t kill because my poor innocent husband would be waiting in Heaven to give me Hell, yaknowimsayin?
Anyway, the number one marriage tip for living tiny is you really have to remind yourself in tense situations (like when your 380 square feet house is under construction and you CAN’T WALK AND OMG CHELSEA DON’T TOUCH THAT DRILL!!!!) that you really love your spouse and dang it, you’re a team! You moved in to this RV together, you’ll darn well love each other through the rough times. I know if I see Ed getting irritated with me, I try to stop my behavior or give him a hug and apologize before he even has to “go there.” Ed does the same to me. I have never seen so many amazing, beautiful, and patient sides to this man as I have in this tiny space. (swoon)
Bottom line? Make it a priority to get along and show love and gratitude for your teammate.
The Takeaway
Living in a tiny space is like taking the absolute most challenging and hands-on course in conflict resolution. It is imperative to remember that your spouse is your teammate and you must work together on all challenges to come out on top. Even though I joke about it, I honestly wouldn’t trade this lifestyle for anything. I am so in love with my husband and the man he chooses to be every day and I know the decision to live this way has pushed us both to reach our potential.
Any questions about living small with your spouse? Want to know more marriage tips for living tiny? Hit me up in the comment box!
Loved this article! My wife and I have been married 49 years, May 29th this year! (Don’t know how she did it, but she did!) One of my many “attributes” is excessive sarcasm. Until people get to know me, they can find it, annoying, at best!
My wife, after all these years (and having had three sons that, I’m afraid learned from me too well!) has learned how to handle it. People would ask her, “How do you put up with him?” Her response would be, “What did he say?”
We had driven to Alaska twice with our family in the passed, and after we retired decided to go for the summer. Upon hearing we were going, one of her friends ask, “How are you ever going to put up with him all that time, in that tiny, little trailer?” (That “tiny, little trailer” by the way, was 34′ long)
I found this funny and I think my wife did too. I had never thought that would be a problem. To me, this trip was going to be a dream come true. Going to Alaska, with no tight schedule to meet!. Well, it wasn’t the “dream come true” that I’d hoped. We had problems with the trailer. But, the great times we had, memories we shared, and the time spent together were worth way more than the trailer problems! By the way, that says a lot for the trip, because when we got home, I told me wife that the next time the trailer left our property, it would be someone else’s!
Again, thanks for sharing the article!
I barely have the patience to put up with my partner in a regular size house. I don’t see how you do it! The forgetting to wipe up crumbs thing spoke directly to me. I can only remind someone to clean up after themselves so many times before I lose my mind. These are great tips though and your love for each other certainly shows. I am sure Chelsea is gaining a wealth of knowledge in conflict resolution that she will be able to easily handle any roommate issue that arises in a college dorm room years from now.
You’re the best Raquel!
One of the most important things I had to learn is that my spouse is actually on my side, so there’s no need to take every single comment as kindling for an argument. I’ve gotten called out on my eye-rolls so many times it’s not funny haha!
Yes! I learned early that it is not fair and can be very harmful to be competitive and keep score!
What a fun post. I’m not sure I could do what you do, kudos 🙂
haha It has it challenges, but every dwelling does!
Shew- hiding my eye rolls would be a chore! ?
Some days it’s hard but I think I’m the more ridiculous one in the relationship so I can only imagine how my husband feels haha!
Your humor is very catchy and pulls you directly in. I do not live tiny but my son chooses to. I think it is great when people pick the life they love 🙂
Thank you so much for the sincere compliment! I really appreciate it and am glad to know people are getting the humor!
K so we haven’t done everything living, but we’ve done living with in laws, it was kinda like what you are describing but in pairs, like us vs them kinda way. Mom or dad getting annoying? Camp out upstairs and don’t venture down! But mostly it felt like you couldn’t escape and just had to learn to work with each other.
Rv living, not everything living
Such good advice! We are renting and living with someone else’s furniture while everything we own is in storage. It’s more than 380 ft2, but it’s still hard to do and we’ve both done a lot of tongue biting. This too shall pass, right?
Yes! It will!
Great advice on all!! Love reading all your stories. I struggle with most of what you touched on and it gives me peace of mind Knowing i am not alone!!! Thank you sweet Liz!!!
We’ve been full time RVers 3 1/2 years & haven’t killed each other yet. 🙂 Love your humor & we know you needs lots of it when you’re in a small abode.
Living in a small space has brought my sense of humor to a whole new level.
I don’t know why it’s the little things that drive you crazy but they do. If you’re a neat freak and the other is not – whoa – you both have to meet in the middle somewhere – over the years you get fed up with always having to clean up the crumbs – and why should you? Or always having to throw the empty toilet roll left on the vanity in the garbage.
Some things you have to settle when you find it irritates you. Over the years these things get very tiresome and resentment sets in.
Also each person has to own their own moods – not displace it on the other – or take the other’s moods onto themselves.
All in all, some things have to be resolved when they become an issue. If left undealt with, they can cause the demise of the relationship.
Yes I agree with you that little things add up to be huge stressors if not dealt with. I will say though that some little stuff just may never change and you may explode from time to time…in that case at least warm the other you’re about to explode because of the tp roll. My mantra when I get overwhelmed over clothes on the floor, empty boxes in the pantry, or the toilet seat up? “He deals with my disgusting car. He puts up with my nasty farts. He cooks me dinner.” It’s usually a good reminder of how we’re a team and have to pick up each other’s slack in certain areas.
I love your humour and the truth of what you are saying! Deep breath…. now talk haha ?